Call Me Call Me
by Spirit-hime
Summary: Four years after the Bebop crew has split up, Faye hears that Ed has a bounty on her head. Now she has no choice but to race the other bounty hunters in an attempt to either rescue her or turn her in. UPDATED!
1. Session 1: Sweet Jane

====================  
Call Me Call Me  
Session 1: Sweet Jane  
  
I close my eyes and I keep seeing things   
Rainbow waterfalls   
Sunny liquid dreams  
====================  
  
The Merlion was at least moderately clean, which was more than he could say for most of   
the bars in this somewhat pathetic excuse for a city called Temasek. He ordered a drink,   
although his reason for being here was not to drown his sorrows as the person sitting in   
the stool next to him was currently doing.   
  
How a place like this had ever managed to afford a grand piano, he had no idea. But   
nevertheless, one stood at the far end of the bar in all its shabby glory. From it   
emanated notes of bittersweet sadness, carried from the gentle dance of a pair of hands   
touching upon its keys. The owner of the hands was a black haired damsel with emerald eyes   
that seemed to laugh as they cried. Her ebony hair, barely brushing her shoulders, was   
adorned only with a single white headband. She wore a long lacy white dress that seemed   
too sweet for her, yet was just the right kind of icing to frost her melancholy song.  
  
He downed his drink and mustered up the courage to move towards a seat near the piano.   
Lost in her own ballad, the Mary Jane in a white dress did not even notice him. The soft   
notes came to an inconclusive conclusion, and the musician reached for her pack of   
cigarettes and placed one in her perfectly made-up lips. In a casual motion he offered   
his lighter, and at last she saw him. In a moment of stunned silence, all she could do   
was inhale the deadly sweet smoke of the burning stick in her hand. After a moment she   
merely smiled. "What can I do for you, Jet?"  
  
***  
  
The Bebop was exactly how Faye remembered it. While there may have been a few more dents   
here and there, and the couch was becoming a little threadbare, it was the same old ship.   
It seemed so quiet now, without its other passengers bounding over the table or groaning   
about how hungry they were. "You still live on this thing, ne?"  
  
"It's hard to give up."  
  
"Guess so."  
  
"You're actually working in that place?"  
  
"At the moment, yes."  
  
"Never knew you played the piano."  
  
She unceremoniously plopped down in the chair across from the Jet. "Yes, well neither did   
I until a few years ago. Interesting phenomenon, letting the past catch up with you."  
  
"Guess so."  
  
"Jet, you didn't track me down on the biggest planet in the solar system just to talk, did   
you?"  
  
Jet sighed and absentmindedly ran his hand across his bald head, obviously stalling. Faye   
raised an eyebrow. What could he possibly want that he would come find her after nearly   
four years of no contact? Sighing again, he turned on his computer monitor and brought up   
a file. At a glance Faye recognized it as a bounty. She gave Jet a skeptical look. "I'm   
not a bounty hunter anymore, Jet. I'm not one of your little contacts, either. What do you   
expect me to do, team up with you again?"  
  
He leaned back in his seat. "Look closer, Faye."  
  
She rolled her eyes and looked again. No less than a million woolongs were on this one's   
head. The picture showed a young woman, perhaps even a teenager, with dark copper skin and   
cheerful red cheeks. She wore a pair of thin rimmed glasses over her amber colored eyes,   
and her head was crowned in a mop of red hair.  
  
Two words stood out upon the screen. And they read "Radical Edward".  
  
====================  
Author's note: Well, hope you like the first session of Call Me Call Me. As you may have   
guessed, this takes place a few years after the end of the series, which is why the Bebop   
group is so scattered. All you Ed fans who missed her in this chapter, believe me, you'll   
get your dose of Ed goodness in good time. 


	2. Session 2: And Your Bird Can Sing

====================  
Session 2: And Your Bird Can Sing  
  
Sometimes I think, oh yes, I'd move to   
Where all the shooting stars are gone   
With all of our wishes  
  
====================  
  
[Connecting to site...]  
  
[Connected. One moment please.]  
  
[You have now entered the Tomato Jungle. Welcome to the Jungle baby!]  
  
DancingQueen: PLOOM!  
  
DancingQueen: NEWSNEWS! Did you hear? Did you hear?  
  
Footloose: Whatwhat? Did we hear what? Did we hear what?  
  
WildAngel: I hear lots of things. You'll have to be a wee bit more specific.  
  
Footloose: Yeah, but everything you hear is in your head and speaks with a British accent.  
  
DancingQueen: It's E-do! She's been bountied!  
  
Footloose: BOUNTIED?!   
  
WildAngel: You're kidding! I most definitely haven't heard THAT...  
  
Footloose: Wow, the things you miss when you're not paying attention to anything... who's   
trying to nab her -- and "for what?!" may I add?  
  
DancingQueen: anoanoano... don't say, don't say. only that she's the legendary hacker   
Radical Edward.  
  
WildAngel: Gee, and I can barely find the "On" button on my computer...  
  
Footloose: those hunter-bunts will never catch E-do  
  
DancingQueen: 3.14159...  
  
Footloose: [virtually picks nose and flicks it at WildAngel]  
  
DancingQueen: [starry eyes] I wonder if she'll get to meet some cool cowboys....  
  
Footloose: she'd like that. she does seem like the adventurous type  
  
WildAngel: [virtually thwaps Footloose with a rather large book]  
  
Footloose: i bet i'm cooler than a bunch of cowboys... hmmph  
  
WildAngel: You may be cooler, but if you got them mad, who would hurt more in the morning?  
  
DancingQueen: Cracker! You go track down Ed then!  
  
Footloose: I would, but the gang at the cyber country club are expecting me to do a lecture   
on fashionable font colors later on  
  
DancingQueen: Sure, that's what you always say. You could never track an outlaw if your life   
depended on it.  
  
Footloose: could 2!   
  
DancingQueen: Yeah? You got a West-German Walther P99 gun like Jet Black?  
  
Footloose: Jet Black? I could take Jet Black! Any time, day, or place... just so long as   
he's not in the room.  
  
WildAngel: Sure you could. [pats you on the head]  
  
Footloose: Bite it, Angle. I bet I'm taller than you in real life.  
  
DancingQueen: She's not a geometric shape, Foot-boy.  
  
WildAngel: Actually, I am pretty angular. But! That's beside the point.  
  
Footloose: oi, it took me 15 minutes to wipe out the guy who already had "Footloose" taken.   
You can atleast credit me with the last 5 letters  
  
DancingQueen: :P  
  
Footloose: besides, Rad'll be just fine, you'll see  
  
DancingQueen: Yeah, DoggieDog will take care of her.  
  
Footloose: Queenie, you're not worried, are you?  
  
DancingQueen: Naw..... are you?  
  
Footloose: well, let's face the facts. Ed can hack her way in or out of anything from a bank   
to a can of tuna.  
  
DancingQueen: True, E-do is the best kompyutaa girl around...  
  
Footloose: Yes! At last, rainforest.com has the new Intergalaktyk Model 5XC is in! That's   
the fastest modem around!  
  
DancingQueen: WAI~!  
  
Footloose: Light speed is so outdated  
  
WildAngel: See, I just turn my computer on and hope it works. It doesn't matter how fast...  
  
Footloose: don't worry, kiddo -- hang with us and you'll... still be 4th best, but you'll   
be a hacker none the less  
  
WildAngel: Gee, thanks.  
  
DancingQueen: Ah yes, soon you'll be as good as the Radical one herself!  
  
Footloose: [gasp] Blasphemer! [giggles]  
  
DancingQueen: Scoon, baby!  
  
Footloose: anyway, what do you suggest we do? is there anything we can do to atleast   
slow down the trackers  
  
WildAngel: [working the crossword in the Venusian Times] Anyone have a four-letter   
word for "woebegone"?  
  
DancingQueen: Bang!  
  
Footloose: Oi, the Venusian Times is not for creepy aliens like you!  
  
WildAngel: Creepy aliens like me? Looked in a mirror lately?  
  
Footloose: tsch! i don't need this  
  
DancingQueen: Yeah Wild, read the Martian Chronicle. Ever so much better.  
  
Footloose: (Martians -- belligerent fools they are)  
  
DancingQueen: Oi! I don't have to take that from a pampered love-goddess wanabe!  
  
Footloose: hey, i've got it! surely one of us can get into the central system of Otamot  
  
DancingQueen: 3333? You wanna try for the heart of the Jungle? Good luck...  
  
Footloose: i can conquer the heart of anything... son of Venus, remember?  
  
WildAngel: [rolls eyes] How can we forget?  
  
Footloose: but you lot will have to help -- i'm the famous 15-minute hacker... I can't undo   
Ed's and DoggyD's work alone!  
  
DancingQueen: I'm up for the challenge! You in Wild?  
  
WildAngel: Sure! I'm game!  
  
Footloose: Let's cut footloose, baby girls!  
  
***  
  
For several moments, all that Faye found herself able to do was blink at the image before   
her. This girl-this child-who had been so naïve and innocent a few years ago was now   
placed in the same category as murderers and thieves? It just did not make any sense.   
Surely there was some sort of mistake. Surely Ed was pulling the same kind of trick that   
she used to, changing the bounties as she saw fit in order to get what she wanted. But what   
could she possibly want out of this? "It doesn't specify what she's wanted for," she   
pointed out silently.  
  
"After doing quite a bit of research and asking around, the best that I can tell is that   
she apparently has the ability to hack into and control every one of Earth's satellites   
simultaneously."  
  
"I thought she could do that already."  
  
"Older ones like the AI satellite she helped us catch, yes, but the majority of Earth's   
satellites are highly sophisticated government controlled models. To hack into a single   
one is a challenge. To hack into all of them at once is nothing short of impossible."  
  
"So what harm is there in that? The most destruction I've ever seen her do was cover   
computer screens with annoying little smiley faces."  
  
"They say that she has been discreetly transferring millions of woolongs to her own   
account for the past several months. They would have noticed it sooner, but she has   
been very good at covering her tracks."  
  
Faye found herself slamming her fist on the table, much harder than even she expected.   
In her adrenaline rush, she did not notice the pain that throbbed in her wrist afterwards.   
"This is about money?! Who do those Earthlings think she is?"  
  
"Not just about money, Faye. Those Earthlings depend upon satellite communication to   
keep in contact with the outside world. The very idea of someone being in control of   
every satellite scares them. And there is nothing more powerful than a planet of frightened   
people."  
  
It was at that moment that Faye decided she needed a cigarette, and bad. As she inhaled   
the familiar taste of tobacco smoke, she allowed herself to review the situation in her   
mind. "So what do you want me to do about it? I lost contact with Ed the same time that   
you did."  
  
Jet crossed his tree trunk-like arms across his chest and looked at her with that same   
stern glare that he used to often use. "The girl needs help. She can't just be left to   
fend for herself."  
  
"You'd give up that much money to help her? You always were the sentimental type."  
  
"Look, a lot of bounty hunters are already on the move. We may be too late as it is."  
  
"I'm not that girl's babysitter. If she wants to play outlaw, she can face the consequences.   
What happens to her is not my concern."  
  
It was Jet's turn to slam his fist on the table now, and he darn near broke the thing in   
half. "Dammit Faye, this isn't a joke! Do you want to see that girl with a gun to her   
head? No one else is going to help her, you know that! Her own father can't remember   
her name!"  
  
The green eyed girl slowly rose to leave. "If you're quite finished, I should be getting   
back to work."  
  
As she turned away, she was stopped by Jet muttering her name. "You lived under this roof   
for months. You ate my food, you had a bed to sleep on, I repaired your ship, one of us was   
always there to back you up. Don't you think that you owe me?"  
  
Faye stared down at the dress that draped lightly around her calves. The borrowed white   
dress that she had no intention of returning. "I owe everyone, remember? What makes you   
so special?"  
  
***  
  
The chill wind rushed across Faye's shoulders as the Bebop took off and disappeared into   
the thick clouds overhead, once again leaving her alone on the lonely planet of Zeus.   
What should she care? She had a home, she made a decent amount of money, and she certainly   
did not have to face so-called comrades that felt nothing but contempt towards her.  
  
Like him.  
  
She felt a hot tear on her cheek. Was she really still so bitter after all these years?   
Through the unnatural glow of the street light next to her, she could see large powdery   
snowflakes drifting down. She turned her face skywards and allowed the soft ice crystals   
to touch her face, melting upon her skin and mixing with the salt of her tears. From the   
deserted parking lot in which she stood, no sound could be heard through the muffled silence   
save her own quiet sobs.  
  
Faye Valentine gazed at the clouds, dimly lit by the city lights, and tried not to imagine   
a pair of mismatched eyes there.  
  
====================  
Author's note: Wow, I never expected to get so many reviews! Arigato to everyone who   
reviewed this fic. It's people like you that keep me writing. Also thank you to Tsukai   
and AngelAnne, who I couldn't have written this session without. 


	3. Session 3: Take the "A" Train

====================  
Session 3: Take the "A" Train  
  
Confusion creeps inside me raining doubt   
Gotta get to you   
But I don't know how  
  
====================  
  
Faye sat up in bed. It was no use; her guilty conscience refused to allow her to sleep.   
Outside, the wind had picked up, changing the weather from the gentle drifting of flakes to   
something resembling the inside of a brutally shaken snow globe. She gathered her blanket   
around her, covering the thin T-shirt that she had worn to bed, and crossed the closet sized   
bedroom. It was there, in the third drawer of her dresser, right where she had left it. She   
reached a slender hand in and picked up the black Austrian Glock 30. Carefully, she aimed it   
at the window by her bed, then sighed. "Damn nuisance," she grumbled.  
  
The clouds were turning a slightly lighter shade of grey, indicating an attempt at a sunrise,   
when the Redtail rushed skyward, sending a few half-asleep crows into a frenzy.  
  
***  
  
Leaning over his bonsai trees, he grumbled to himself in an angry manner that was unbefitting   
such a past time. Women. Stupid lying selfish women. Their lack of gratitude is legendary.  
  
He did not track down Faye for nothing. He had already tried to find Ed himself, but that   
proved to be somewhat unsuccessful. Despite being her old friend, he had no more leads than   
any other bounty hunter out there. She was a hard kid to find. He even tracked down   
Appledelhi, her very large and very strange father. Just as Jet had suspected, the Earthling   
mapmaker could not even recall whether he had a daughter.  
  
But Faye, she seemed a little closer to the wild hacker in those last few days they spent   
on the Bebop together. Surely she would have some vague idea of where Ed might have gone.   
They disappeared at the same time, after all. They must have talked about it, at least.  
  
He gasped and caught his hand, millimeters away from chopping off one of the miniature   
tree's branches.  
  
"Women..."  
  
***  
  
Faye shouted a curse before kicking the heel of her boot hard against the nearest blunt   
object. It couldn't be helped, she supposed. It had been several months since she took   
the Redtail out. Something or other was broken inside, not that she had any clue as to what   
that might be. What she did know, however, was that she was currently in orbit of Jupiter   
and she certainly was not going to get anywhere at the moment.  
  
She slumped back in her seat, repressing the urge to break something. Jupiter was an active   
place, after all. Someone would come along eventually.  
  
As she lit a cigarette, she glanced down at the clothes she wore. She'd given up her   
yellow vinyl, deciding it made her too easy a target for drunks and psychos. She wore the   
same hotpants as before, except in a nicely glossy black, and a matching top that was   
sleeveless with buttons down the front. Her boots laced up the sides and rose three   
quarters of the way up her long slender calves. Over top all of this was a black trench   
coat, a necessity in the cold Temasek winters.   
  
In the vastness of space, something caught her eye. A light. Someone was coming. She   
rushed to punch a few commands into her computer. "Hello, can you hear me out there? This   
is the Redtail. My ship is broken down and I'm stranded. Can you give me a lift?"  
  
An androgynous voice answered cheerfully, "Redtail, this is Heavy Metal Queen. I can help   
you out."  
  
Heavy Metal Queen? Why did that name sound so familiar? "Ne…you wouldn't, by any chance,   
be a friend of Spike's would you?"  
  
For a moment there was no reply. Finally she heard, "Faye Valentine, isn't it?"  
  
***  
  
The ship known as the Tarpon hovered in Earth's orbit, carefully avoiding the many satellites   
nearby. Directly below it was the vast desert-like continent once known as South America.   
"Radical Edward's signal has been tracked to this area," muttered one of the passengers.  
  
The other man nodded. "They say that he lives like an animal down below the Earth's surface.   
No one has ever seen him. Some think he's some sort of monster, others think that he's   
merely an eccentric old man."  
  
"Whatever he is, he's been cornered. This'll be an easy job." He tapped the controls to   
move down into Earth's atmosphere, but the Tarpon would not budge.  
  
"Something wrong?"  
  
"It's not responding." He tapped at the computer in front of him. At first nothing happened,   
then suddenly little dots began to rush across the screen.  
  
"What the heck is that?"   
  
The two leaned forward and suddenly realized that what they were seeing was a myriad of tiny   
smiley faces. One of them grew bigger, as though it was rushing forward, until it filled the   
entire screen with a big toothy grin. "Sayonara!" Came a high pitched female voice from the   
computer. The two men looked at each other apprehensively as to their horror the ship began   
to move on its own. It turned away from Earth and bolted in the opposite direction, vanishing   
in the blackness of space.  
  
***  
  
VT liked her music, and she liked it loud. A large middle aged woman, she looked and spoke   
like the males she worked with-indeed, was typically mistaken for a man. Being that she had   
been listening to the din that she called heavy metal for the past few hours, and because she   
was feeling rather nice today, she spared Faye's eardrums and turned the stereo down to a   
less painful level. As they drove, VT's fluffy grey cat, Zeros, seemed to take a liking to   
Faye and climbed up on top of her head, where he sat quite contentedly, draped over her like   
a fuzzy hat.  
  
"So you're heading to Earth, ne? I can take you as far as Phobos. You'll be able to get   
your ship fixed up there."  
  
Faye nodded slightly, careful not to wake up the sleeping beast. "Thanks."  
  
"You after some big bounty on Earth?"  
  
"I gave up that business a long time ago. I'm just visiting an old friend."  
  
"Was it because of Spike?" Faye glanced up in her direction, somewhat caught off guard by   
the truck driver's forwardness. VT only shrugged. "I read about it in the paper. It's just   
like a bounty hunter to run off and get himself killed, isn't it? To let someone love him,   
only to abandon them."  
  
Faye could not help but feel that the scruffy blond was speaking from experience. She had   
only met VT briefly when she and Spike had been trying to catch a pyrotechnic named Decker.   
They did not exactly get along. She never even paused to wonder what the elusive two-letter   
name stood for. Now she felt herself wishing that she knew this person better.  
  
"I suppose you're right. It's not like he was ever kind to me anyway. Always treating me   
like I was nothing. He was just…"  
  
"a stupid lying shameless scum of a bounty hunter." She gave Faye a soft smile. "Am I   
right?"  
  
Faye absentmindedly ran her fingers through the silken fur of the large feline slumbering on   
her head. Outside, stars rushed past them at such a pace that they were seen only as long   
threads of light. "Almost too right."  
  
"In any case, I know that he went to a good place." She glanced at Faye's confused look and   
flashed her a small grin. "He promised me that he'd treat my husband to a Prairie Oyster."  
  
====================  
Author's notes: To answer some people's questions about the "mismatched eyes" in Session 2,   
yes that was Spike. His eyes were two different shades of brown, and were described by Julia   
and Gren as being two different colors, so technically they were mismatched. Sorry if that   
was an obscure reference. To answer another question, yes I did watch the sub. I actually   
don't even get Cartoon Network so I've only watched a few dubbed episodes out of interest.   
On a sidenote, I have no idea what gender Zeros is; as far as I know, it was never stated   
anywhere. I figured he was fat enough that he could pass for male. 


	4. Session 4: If You've Got Trouble

====================  
Session 4: If You've Got Trouble  
  
kasei no ue no neko mitai ni  
watashi no kokoro wa kawarimasen  
shinjinaide ne uso dakara  
  
====================  
  
Faye leaned against the table, her fourth cigarette for that evening burning in her hand.   
The small Phobos café was one of the last few public places that allowed smoking, probably   
because of all the truck drivers that came through this area. In the window outside, the   
rusty blood colored planet Mars easily filled most of the heavens, arching over the horizon   
in a dark crescent of burnt sienna.   
  
It was in the middle of the day, as Phobos time goes, and the place was nearly empty save a   
teenager in the booth next to Faye's. The girl was fairly young, with fair skin common to   
the Martian area. She peered through a pair of sim goggles attached to a purple laptop   
computer in front of her, swinging her head from side to side as she traveled through the   
virtual world of the Internet, tossing her dirty blond braid around like a whip. So many of   
these juvenile computer junkies were around now, it seemed. The goggle kids, as they were   
sometimes called.  
  
Though Faye had no interest in such adolescents, she could not help but listen in as she   
heard the youth babbling away to the inanimate object in front of her, like a senile old   
woman who mistook a fire hydrant for a loved one. But of course there must have been someone   
at the other end of this purple piece of metal and plastic. The girl talked quite cheerfully,   
using some strange terms that Faye was not familiar with. Slang, of course. It was hard   
to keep up with in this day and age.   
  
"Oi! Foot-boy! Switch over to your microphone, 'cause I can't stand your nully spelling   
errors. I don't care how good a haxer you are, I'm tired of seeing you call Wild a shape.   
If I wanted to learn about math, I wouldn't be skipping school to talk to you bakagai. So   
what did you mean when you said TJ had a barrier around it? I thought you said you could   
get into anything. Well I know how advanced Edward's system is, but we're just gonna have   
to get around that."  
  
At that moment Faye felt a jolt rush through her. Of course, if Ed was a hacker, who was to   
say that she did not know others like herself? More intently than ever, she listened to the   
one-sided conversation.  
  
"Won't work, won't work. The Radical one never sleeps, remember? The few times she does   
disconnect for a while, the Dog is usually there to take her place. We just gotta be   
discrete, real quiet-like."  
  
It was at that moment that the teenage girl squealed a word that sounded like "spoon" except  
with a "k" sound in place of the "p". What the word meant, and what implications it had   
towards the direction of the conversation, Faye had not the foggiest idea. Scoon the word   
was, and scoon the word meant.  
  
"Oh scoon baby, that's a great idea! I'll meet you guys tonight and we'll do all that   
shibittyblahblah then, ne? Baibai!" The girl pulled her goggles off and set them aside,   
then fell to swaying to the radio as she typed at the keyboard.  
  
Faye crushed her cigarette in the ashtray beside her and, leaving her empty plate on the   
table, rose and approached the eccentric child. The girl was in the midst of singing her   
own made-up lyrics to the radio song-something about cockroaches and fishbones-when she   
noticed the green eyed woman leaning against her table. Faye gave her a small smile.   
"Can I buy you something, kid?"  
  
The goggle girl stared at her strangely for a moment before a huge grin crossed her face   
and she cheerfully replied. "Sorry lady, I don't swing that way!"  
  
For a moment Faye was thrown quite off guard and wondered whether she should really go   
through with this. But, she was doing this for Ed after all. She laughed off the girl's   
comment with her deep smooth voice. "I think you've misunderstood me. What's your name,   
kid?"  
  
"Caci desu."  
  
She slid into the opposite seat and leaned across the table. "Well Caci, I've been   
searching for a certain friend of mine, and was hoping you may be able to help me. She   
sometimes goes by the name Radical Edward."  
  
Recognition filled the girl's grey eyes and she suddenly became slightly more serious.   
"Are you a bounty hunter?"  
  
"Not exactly. I'm trying to find her so I can keep her away from the bounty hunters."  
  
Caci seemed to be processing this in her mind, tilting her head back and forth in an   
offbeat sort of way that made her whole body sway. The music had stopped, and was replaced   
by a radio announcer rambling about some "sweet-potate paste period" style music. Faye was   
unable to catch the name of the artist, but it sounded kind of like "Wai Kei".  
  
Finally the girl replied, "finding the Radical One is harder than it sounds, ya know. She's   
got one heck of a spoofy defense system. Even with my chikin helpin' me out, I dunno if I   
can access her vegetable."  
  
Faye smirked. "What if I made it worth your while?"  
  
The girl gave her a lopsided grin. "What've you got?"  
  
Faye casually ran her fingers through her violet black hair. "How would you like to know   
what Ed's real name is?"  
  
Caci squealed, attracting the attention of some of the other customers. She stuck out a   
hand. "It's a deal!"  
  
***  
  
Smoke drifted upwards, curling and rolling upon itself, vanishing into the stars above.   
Hands of worn leather cupped expertly around the long pipe, placing it between equally   
rough lips. A face that appeared to be as old as the mountains themselves-mountains that   
have looked on as the world around them experienced all the incarnations of pain, joy,   
bitterness, sadness, and happiness-looked at Jet gravely. Of course, there was never a   
time when the ancient Indian was not grave.  
  
Jet was not overly sure of what he was doing here. He had never much enjoyed all that stuff   
about prophecies and other such nonsense. The hard facts were what he depended on. They did   
not change, needed no interpretation, and did not involve smoking God-knows-what in the   
middle of the night with some old guy who speaks only in riddles.   
  
In the past it had always been Spike who paid Bull the occasional visit, coming back with   
some seemingly half-baked idea that usually turned out to be right. Somehow it fit his   
impulsive behavior, the "Swimming Bird" as Bull called him. Jet was never sure whether   
this was in reference to Spike's ship, which in itself was both a bird and a fish, or his   
personality. Perhaps it was both. Or maybe neither.  
  
But Swimming Bird was not here now, and Jet was out of options. He was no closer to   
finding Ed than any other cowboy out there. A few hours earlier he had learned that the   
bounty on her head had more than tripled after one of the Earth satellites was damaged beyond   
repair. He knew he could no longer afford to be stubborn. For that little stray cat of a   
girl, he was willing to put aside his pride and go to the old Indian.  
  
A handful of sand sifted between Bull's fingers, sliding into four small piles on the   
ground below. The grains shifted and rolled with one another, fluidly flowing as one   
body, before coming to rest in a heap on the rough brightly colored blanket. His equally   
rough voice, though soft, piercingly broke the silence. "Running Rock-"  
  
"I told you not to call me that."  
  
"The fox knows many ways to fool his hunters. He disguises his hole with many tricks and   
hides until no one is looking."  
  
"I came here to ask where Ed is, not to hear your own rendition of the Discovery Channel."   
This was pointless after all. He rose to leave, rather wishing he had not wasted so much   
time here.  
  
"Sometimes," Bull continued, "a cat appears to be a fox."  
  
Jet threw him a sidelong glance. If anyone he knew resembled a stray cat, it was Ed. "I'm   
listening."  
  
====================  
Author's notes: Ah, sorry I took so long to get this one up. Caci's dialogue is rather hard   
to keep up with and really has to be written when one is in the right mood. Her speech is a   
really weird mixture of made-up words, Japanese puns, and inside jokes. ^_^;; 


	5. Session 5: Just Another Day in Paradise

====================  
Session 5: Just Another Day in Paradise  
  
A rainbow rat  
A checkered cat  
Go tail in tail around the road  
The mouse is pleased  
The moon is cheese  
The sun is shining hot and cold  
====================  
  
The place was a dump, even by Martian standards. The walls of Caci's cramped bedroom (or   
closet, whichever term one preferred) were mostly bare, save a few unusual odds and ends,   
including a drawing of a multicolored tomato, a sign saying artichoke in five different   
languages, a wild turkey feather, and a rubber chicken. Faye peered over the youth's shoulder   
as she sat cross-legged on her bed, clicking away at her keyboard. "Are you sure this is   
gonna work?"  
  
"It'll work. Just lemme get ahold of my chikin and we can light this fire. The TJ is set   
up like a giant AI matrix, which is why it's called a jungle. We're gonna go in sim mode an'   
break in just like ol' Jimmy Bond."  
  
The brunette beauty leaned back against the colorful pile of pillows and stuffed animals at   
the head of the bed. Now she understood why Spike hated kids so much. You just cannot   
understand what they are talking about. But, the teenager seemed pretty sure of herself,   
so she decided that she had better sit back and let the genius-or idiot-work.  
  
She lit a cigarette, and waited.  
  
***  
  
"Fancyfree" was the password that Caci typed in upon being prompted. She rolled her eyes   
at Footloose's taste in entertainment, then entered the room. Her favorite chikin were   
already there, well-dressed in their simulated avatars. She loved this virtual reality   
technology. It was always so much fun to pretend that you really were as good looking as   
your avatar.  
  
Footloose lifted his brown and orange head, and quit playing with the colored strips. He   
smiled as much as a sim could, seeing DancinQueen's entrance. "You made it? Congradulations,"   
he smirked.  
  
WildAngel flipped her electric blue hair over her shoulder and smiled, shuffling her large   
and seemingly unnecessary angelic white wings. "Good ta see yah, sweets!" she chirped.  
  
DancingQueen grinned, swatting her silky violet hair out of the way. "We gots ourselves a  
night ahead of us. We all ready to make ourselves a salad?"  
  
Footloose chuckled, "Yumyum, baby! Let's do this!"  
  
WildAngel pointed one finger into the air. "Groovy! Let's toss these veggies!"  
  
Caci the DancingQueen raised her hand before her face, her thumb and middle finger pressed   
together. A small movement and..."SNAP!" The world of Ed's Tomato Jungle opened up around   
them.  
  
"Wow..." is all Xinying Footloose could mutter as he absorbed the sight before him. His VR   
goggles depicted a world much like, but very different than a real jungle.  
  
"Oh my," observed Kyouhon WildAngel as a little carrot-shaped creature scurried across the   
toe of her boot.  
  
"Scoon, baby," muttered Caci as a flock of colorful mushrooms sailed past her head. "So this   
is Edo's domain."  
  
What they had entered was nothing short of a vegetable paradise. It mostly consisted of dense   
jungle (although she was sure she could see cruton mountains rising in the distance), which   
would not have been so strange had it not been composed entirely of edible things--namely   
vegetables. The simulation was extremely realistic, despite the surrealness of it all,   
and it was a little unnerving to see celery stalks rising meters above their heads.  
  
"Can we say 'Vicious Vegetarian'?" Xinying wandered around a few steps, marvelling at how his   
black, buckle shoes weren't scuffed or soiled in the moist soil. "This is outta sight! I   
love that kid!" In the distance he heard cries of various jungle creatures--jungle creatures   
which appeared to be of an unusual sort.  
  
"Is this whole jungle veggie-themed?" Kyouhon mused. She took a deep breath, and then   
squinted and sniffed again. "And do I smell salad dressing?"  
  
"I think Ed told me once that she finds vegetables funny? I dunno, I'm more of a fruit   
person myself," Caci sighed, observing a fat tomato as it waddled across the ground. "At   
least that's kind of a fruit..."  
  
Xinying clicked his simulated tongue. "I say we follow the Tomato and see what Radical's   
got in store for us..."  
  
"I'm game," Kyouhon shrugged. At that moment, one of those strange flying mushrooms fluttered   
up and nestled itself into Xinying's hair. She giggled. "Aww, I think it likes you!"  
  
"Gah!" He swatted it out. "Li'l bugger..."  
  
Caci threw her body into a pose that only a disco fan or crazed magical girl would dare try.   
"Hai! We're the only fruits in this place! Onward...erm...Techno Tomaters!"  
  
"Techno Tomaters?" Kyouhon put a finger to her chin, as if thinking. She put her hands up and   
smiled. "I like it. It's got a sort of...new age vegetarian hacker feel to it."  
  
"El sigh. I guess it'll do." Xinying pulled a boom box out of cyber space and hit the play   
button on the CD deck. "Let's get this party started, Techno Tomaters."  
  
Caci listened as a feminine voice sang about how crazy, crazy, crazy she was about a chicken   
bone and began to dance--or attempt to dance--her way between the colorful trees.  
  
Kyouhon shook her head. "When in Rome..." She pulled a long, hook-shaped sword out of cyber   
space and began to hack away at the thick vegetation, carefully stepping over various critters.  
  
Footloose had just hopped over what must have been Tomato dung when a thought struck him   
harder than DancingQueen or WildAngel ever could. The music seemed to halt. "Umm... what   
exactly should we be looking for?"  
  
Caci spun to a stop, head turned up towards the pink/green/plaid colored sky. "Anyone know   
which way's North?"  
  
"Maybe there's a star we can follow?" suggested Kyouhon. When she looked up, she realized   
that would not work - there were no stars. Unless you could call the hovering rainbow orbs  
stars, which she assumed one could not.  
  
"Yeah, Wild. And maybe there's one of those 'You Are Here' signs, too." Footloose scoffed.  
  
The electric angel raver girl conked Footloose lightly on the head with the dull edge of her   
sword. "Don't get smart with me, Foot-boy, or I'll slice your avatar into noodles faster than   
you can say 'instant ramen'."  
  
"How appropriate. Chinese style noodles, and not even the proper kind." He wasn't amused.   
"Thanks so much, mm?"  
  
The purple haired disco girl shrugged. "Alright, jus' wondering. I think we're supposed to   
be looking for the central brain. The question is, what would one look like in a place like   
this?" She shuddered at the thought of a giant brain hovering in the sky somewhere.  
  
"Well, let's think like Edo, ne? Get inside the genius in order to understand it." Hoping   
that made sense, Xinying nodded.  
  
"The mind of Edo..." Kyouhon looked around. "That's a scary thought, but I'm willing to try   
it."  
  
Caci scratched her head. Then she stopped when it started to hurt. "Think like Ed? I have   
a question. Does Ed think?" Somewhere she thought she could hear Faye Valentine laughing her   
head off. It was a rather unsettling sound.  
  
"A question many-a-hacker have asked. However, I personally feel she just has seizures of   
inspiration and madness, which she thus concocts into her various inventions that make up   
her true genius," mused Xinying.  
  
"So...what you're saying is... she doesn't." She sighed. This was hard. And it was past   
her bedtime.  
  
"Maybe that's the key to this whole thing?" Kyouhon said, pointing at nothing in particular.   
"Maybe it's all about not thinking. You know, like, what's the thing you expect the least?"  
  
"The thing I'd expect the least is for Foot-boy to get eaten by a giant cucumber." Just   
then she heard a roar. Bugger.  
  
Xinying shivered. And it wasn't because of his intense fear of cucumbers. "Believing is   
seeing, believing is seeing..." he repeated. "I don't believe I wanna see something big and   
scary behind us..."  
  
"Would it be painfully obvious for me to say 'uh-oh'?" Kyouhon spun around, coming face to...  
well, not exactly face...with a giant, snarling, foaming-at-the-mouth cucumber. "Because if   
it is, I don't think I will."  
  
"Ehehe mayhaps we should take a little stroll in the other direction? Fast?" Caci began to   
sidestep away from the giant plant, wondering whether it enjoyed Ranch dressing...  
  
***  
  
It was a land of luxury and wealth. It was a land of comfort and culture. It was a land that was   
founded upon the upper-class virtues of greed and selfishness.  
  
Gaspra was all this, and more.  
  
A peanut-shaped asteroid orbiting somewhere between Mars and Jupiter, Gaspra was without a doubt   
the number one hot springs resort in the solar system. To dip one's finger into the top-quality   
mud would cost more than many could afford in a lifetime. Indeed, the price of paradise was   
enough to make this hunk of rock nearly as exclusive as the distant galaxies.  
  
That was the way it was, and that was just how Alister Silvius Scott liked it.  
  
He was an elderly man, and as respectable as they come. He was fond of his land, but fonder still   
of his computer. Custom built, it was the size of a small book, with enough memory to kill a   
horse. The codename for this little electronic wonder was "Bond". Bond was quite a pampered   
piece of equipment, with its own team of trained specialists on call to make sure that it was in   
top condition at all times, as well as a spacious room to call its own. Bond and Alister had a   
good relationship, and were sure to meet regularly between the times of six p.m. and three a.m,   
especially on Tuesdays.  
  
They all called Scott eccentric, though never to his face of course. He liked his gin cold and his   
springs hot, and that was all that really mattered in this cellophane world of baths and golf.  
  
Although, Alister had recently discovered a new interest. Having 2508 square kilometers of solid   
paradise at his fingertips was all well and good, but surely more would be better. Surely a little   
extra, just a little more icing on the cake, would solidify the perfection of this fabricated world.   
But it would take a whole lot of woolongs for that kind of project. Woolongs that even Alister Scott   
did not have access to. Not yet, anyway.  
  
And so, with Bond's trusty help, he found what he needed. And no one was the wiser.  
  
====================  
Author's Notes: Due to real life issues, this took forever to write. I apologize to everyone   
who has been kept waiting and I thank you for being patient with me. Also, I'm afraid I went  
a little overboard with the non-canon characters here, but I assure you that it won't last much longer.  
The canon characters, especially Faye and Ed, will continue to be the central characters of   
this story. It's just that this was a necissary break from all the depressing angst, besides   
being an interesting way of tracking down Ed's location. Besides, who wouldn't want to see a world   
fabricated entirely by Ed? 8D  
  
Once again, domo arigato gozaimasu to Tsukai and AngelAnne for contributing to the personalities   
of the hacker trio! 


End file.
